“I AM.”
Small words. Great impact.
This tiny phrase, with just three letters, this main verb in every language, has inconceivable power over us! What we tell ourselves that we are, all the words that we put after “I am”, become our identity, what we project to others, and what we have subconsciously decided that we want to be characterized by.
Sadly, we tend to start our phrases with these words mostly when we want to express our dissatisfaction or our disappointment with one of our characteristics, with one of our traits we don’t approve of, or with one of our mistaken actions. And this is particularly true for the characteristics of our appearance.
Think about how many times you have stood in front of your mirror, looking at your image and thinking “I am fat”, “I am out of shape”, “Why do I look like that?”, “I have a big belly/skinny legs/untoned arms/a big nose” and many other similar negative thoughts about your body image. Thoughts that gradually became automatic and labelled your opinion about yourself. Thoughts that took over and minimized the value of the really important features of your physique, your personality or your achievements in life.
Influenced by many different factors, you may have formed a negative body image that is actually powerful enough to shadow any positive thought that you may have about yourself. And usually, this negative attitude is extended to your generalized opinion about you as a person.
If that is the case, you need to start paying close attention to the way you talk to yourself, to your thoughts when you see your reflection in the mirror, and of course, to the way you talk about yourself to other people. You need to become more aware of what you put after the words “I am”. Here’s how:
How to stop negative self-talk
- Every time you look at your reflection in the mirror, you will remind yourself of at least one of the things you like about your body. Is it your silky, thick hair? Is it your wide smile? Is it the color of your eyes? There is definitely at least one thing that you like about your appearance!
- When you have a negative thought about a part of your body, you need to think about what this specific part does for you. Do you think your legs are fat? It’s thanks to them that you can walk, run and dance!
- Practice in rephrasing your thoughts and sentences about you. Instead of thinking “I am a failure”, start thinking “I failed this time but I can try again”. Instead of thinking in your perceived facts, start thinking in actions, possibilities and potential.
4. Replace any negative words that you put after “I am” with positive ones. If you are not in the right mindset to find something positive at the moment, find some neutral ones. It might sound like a game of words but it can really make a difference to your mindset.
5. Keep reminding yourself of the important things that you are. You are probably someone’s daughter, son, parent, sibling, partner, colleague, friend. And you are greatly valued for this relationship. You have definitely been a helping hand in someone’s life and you can be again. You are probably a valued member in the company you work or your neighborhood or your church. And even if you aren’t, you can always become one.
Starting with these small, simple steps, you can, from this point forward, begin to cultivate a new, positive image of your body and yourself. It is not something that will change overnight but with persistence and kindness towards yourself, your negative notions will begin to change. And when you feel ready to do so, you can start practicing self-care and get one more step closer to self-acceptance.
